


What you wished for

by SwarleySparkles95



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Genderbending, Happy, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 18:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7449949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwarleySparkles95/pseuds/SwarleySparkles95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Marco wanted more than anything in his trainee days was for Jean to love him back. Jean being the oblivious idiot he is doesn't realise his friends feelings until it's too late. He then spends the rest of his days before his death regretting not realising his own feelings sooner. In Marco's next life he is reborn as a female and when she finally remembers her past life she yearns for another chance to try and convince Jean to fall in love with her. Little does she know Jean, also reborn into this new world, is hoping for the same thing. </p><p>This fic is pretty much all happy stuff- maybe one or two tense or sad moments but fundamentally a fluff filled fic because happy JeanMarco gives me life :) It's also my first fan fic so I'm a tad nervous but needed to join the fandom to fuel the obsession ;) I hope you enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**  
Adrenaline pumped through Jean’s veins as he ran and stumbled along the roofs of Trost, 3DM gear rattling and smacking into his sides. Life had been a continuous blur of events following graduation and things had happened so fast he barely had time to gather himself. Accepting the chain of events, the betrayals and the losses sparked such a change in him that he shocked everyone with the transformation. Of course he wasn’t a totally new character. He was still cynical and brutally honest but now braver and more determined for selfless means than ever before. No one needed to ask what the biggest cause of this 180oc turn had been. Everyone knew Marco’s death had impacted Jean the most of all the recruits.  
The two of them had always been close and it was obvious to everyone bar Jean of Marco’s strong affection towards the two toned teen which well surpassed the borders of friendship. A lot of his friends worried about Marco. Watching him tense up when Jean mentioned Mikasa or anyone retold the hair incident was enough to have everyone silently praying the subject be changed. It wasn’t in Marco’s nature to be outwardly cruel or jealous towards Mikasa but as much as he tried it was obvious how uncomfortable Marco felt around her. Jean was of course oblivious to all this and too busy complaining about Jeager to notice any obvious signs. He thought of them as friends and nothing more. That is until he lost him for good.  
Finding Marco’s body had been like a slap in the face, a stab in the heart and a kick in the shin all at once. It was painful and brought him to his knees. He continuously denied it. Marco wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be. They were supposed to join the Military Police together, go drinking after work , serve the king. Jean felt entirely hopeless. Marco was the only one who believed in him, truly valued him and balanced Jeans sarcastic and negative attitude with an upbeat, optimistic happiness even in dire situations. Marco was level headed in the way Jean was short tempered. He always felt an intense happiness when he knew he was going to see Marco but drew it up to a particularly strong bromance. But once Marco was gone he finally realised what he took for granted.  
Jean always knew that Mikasa was going to join the scouting legion but never considered any thought of going after her. Marco wasn’t even alive and yet he was the motivation for Jean joining. He couldn’t bear the thought of his death being for nothing. Someone who was so unique and what the cruel world needed, someone who wanted his death to have a purpose. Jean knew that there was always a reason to live, Marco had said so himself, but his desire for a hedonistic lifestyle was replaced by an almost passive view on life. Would anyone else ever measure up to Marco? Was there any point looking for someone who did? At what point would he be eaten by a titan? Perhaps even by a person he once called a fellow comrade at worse. Jean would keep fighting for his comrades, for the memory of the person he loved and his new found depression inspired a new selflessness. He would place himself in risky situations. If he lived he would fight for what he believed in, if he died he died trying.  
Running along the rooftops Jean spotted Bertholdt not yet transformed racing ahead. Spurred on by anger and determination Jean sprinted after him hoping to tackle him to the ground. On adjacent rooftops Mikasa, Sasha, Hanji and Levi ran in the same direction hoping to corner him. Suddenly Bertholdt stopped, turned and gave a sadistic smile. The scouts sped up but stopped only a couple of steps away when Bertholdt spoke.  
“Don’t take another step or I’ll transform!”  
The scouts all exchanged glances. Bertholdt could transform whenever and it seemed like there was no chance of ever persuading him of stopping through negotiation. Still the scouts slowed to a stop in the hope of at least postponing collateral damage, buying time to position fellow recruits and Eren.  
Bertholdt then looked directly at Jean. Starting into his eyes as if it were a challenge with an incredibly smug look on his face.  
“He cried like a slapped whore when we got him”  
Jean didn’t need an explanation on who this ‘him’ was. They all knew. Rage combined with overwhelming sorrow overcame him as he gripped onto the handles of his swords so hard his knuckles turned white.  
“We took his gear. He squirmed and struggled but he was such a weakling.” Bertholdt gave a small and sickening laugh. “We left him there, sprawled on the roof. He wailed. He begged us to tell him why. It was pathetic. In all honesty I enjoyed it thoroughly”.  
Jean stood there in complete shock. The revelation of Bertholdt, Annie and Reiner’s ability to transform had of course led Jean to question their role in the death of his best friend. However hearing it for certain and knowing the possibility to end those who took something so precious from him ignited a new feeling he had never experienced before.  
“I LOVED HIM YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD”  
Without thinking rationally Jean leapt at Bertholdt who simply grinned harder and brought his thumb to his mouth. A huge cloud of mist shrouded the group as the monstrous form of the colossal titan appeared. Jean rushed up its arm to attack the sensitive area on the neck. He didn’t think about how logically he had no chance, driven solely by the fury and sorrow that flooded through him. Once he reached the neck Bertholdt simply picked him up and brought him directly in front of his face , swatting away a squad member who had tried to attack with his other hand as if he was swatting away a fly.  
“ DO WHATEVER YOU WANT YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE” Jean screamed at him tears overflowing.  
The colossal titan growled and proceeded to sink his teeth into Jean splitting him directly in half. It was a sick and twisted joke, killing Jean the way that Marco had been killed but the opposite side. He spat half of Jean out and proceeded to toss him over his shoulder. An enormous roar erupted as Eren transformed furious over the death of his comrade, whom he had developed a peculiar friendship with despite initial hate.  
The war between titans and humans continued but Jean’s fight was finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that the use of strong language was okay! I wanted to emphasise how horrible Bert is which is why I used it - I hate Bert so much... at least the cannon Bert some fanfic Berts can be cute. Thank you for reading the first chapter- feel free to leave any comments as it's my first fic and could be improved :)


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco remembers

When Marco was in training he had wanted nothing more than to hold Jean’s attention like Mikasa did. Often he cursed the fact he was never going to get that type of attention being a male. It wasn’t that Jean ignored him or made him feel underappreciated or that he didn’t like being a boy. It was simply the effects of being head over heels to the point that if he could change himself for Jean he would. Marco would never change his personality, he would only want a relationship where the person involved actually desired him and not what they wanted him to be. However his physical attributes and appearances never bothered him as he knew it was what was on the inside that counted, he could be comfortable as either. It wasn’t Jean’s fault that he wasn’t attracted to him. He couldn’t help being straight (or at least as Marco thought) and it was just one of those things.  
However when Marco entered his next life he got his wish. For the first 25 years of her life Marco Bodt was a normal female with two loving parents , two hyper active younger siblings and a steady educational life. Although her name was masculine her parents deemed that it suited her and it never bothered her. If anything it made her feel unique. She attended secondary school in her local area and had a steady group of friends before going to university at Jinae to study History with the hopes of becoming a teacher, which she became a year after graduating at the local private secondary school in Trost. She went on a couple of dates and had a few short term relationships but always felt uneasy with a nagging sensation of guilt, almost as if she was cheating on someone even though there was no one to cheat on. It was on one of these dates set up by a pestering friend, Mia, which changed everything.  
Sitting in the corner of the local vintage coffee shop and scrolling aimlessly through Tumblr Marco waited for the guy called Thomas who had been effectively shoved at her. It wasn’t that she was planning on not giving the guy a chance, that would be unfair, but deep down she had already resolved it probably wasn’t going to work if that insistent guilt persisted. She raised her head on hearing the door open and was greeted with the site of a tall blonde man with pretty impressive looking sideburns. At that point time seemed to stop and she remembered everything. Titans, training, the 104th squad. Jean.  
Suddenly the guilt made sense. It wasn’t that she owed Jean anything. They hadn’t been a couple and had never made any promises of that description. It was more she felt that she owed herself the chance to try again when Jean was to return. If he was to return. Whilst Marco was having a turbulent revelation within her own head Thomas seemed to recognise that Marco was his blind date and started to walk over.  
“Hi, you must be Marco. It’s wonderful to meet you, may I sit down?”  
He shifted, obviously nervous and a tad intimidated by Marco’s fearful stare and watery eyes.  
“Thomas Wager, 104th trainee’s squad”  
Marco managed to croak out before she felt like her throat would close up. Once the words had left her mouth she realised what a mistake that could have been. He would report back to Mia about the events of the date and completely freak her out.  
Thomas seemed to have frozen.  
“Who are you and how the hell did you know?”  
He didn’t sound angry but more like a deer caught in traffic lights. Confused, scared and with no clue what the hell to do next.  
“Thomas it’s me. Marco Bodt also 104th trainee’s squad.”  
At this point Marco shifted uncomfortably unsure as to how a previous squadmate would take the strange turn of events. Marco herself was in less discomfort at the gender change than she would have thought, after all she’d had 25 years of experience.  
“Oh my god.” Thomas breathed “How you doing Marco? So good to see you! You’ve changed a bit” he added with a wink.  
Marco flinched a little in shock.  
“You’re not creeped out?”  
“You and I both know creepier things have happened Marco. Besides it’s always good to find more of us”  
Marco’s mind flickered through horrific images of titans, specifically the creepy smile of the one that had caused his death, and she desperately latched onto a distraction.  
“Others?”  
“We found Mina, Daz, Franz and Hannah so far. It’s all about luck I suppose.”  
Marco tried to push the horrible thought of Jean coming into this life only to never find her and redirected the conversation.  
“How long have you remembered?”  
“Since the age of 10. At first I thought they were nightmares but they got more and more vivid. The tipping point was when I meet Mina. She seemed to trigger the memories firmly as memories not as dreams. How about you?”  
Marco glanced at her watch.  
“About ten minutes” she wheezed with a laugh devoid of humour and instead filled with stifled anguish.  
“Shit. Let’s go back to my place, it’s not far and it’s better to be away from large numbers of people in these situations. You need time in a quiet place. Promise I’m not making moves” He added with a small smile to try and reassure her. She simply nodded and followed him to his flat.  
“So any ideas as to why you came back like this?” Thomas asked as they flopped on the couch in his spacious, sparsely decorated and very white apartment. It was a polar opposite to Marco’s flat where she decorated in a manner that made you immediately know the flat belonged to her. Covered in objects from around the world and piled high with books in practically every room you could have a stranger walk around and emerge that much more knowledgeable on one Marco Bodt. Thomas Wager not so much.  
“A few I suppose” Marco answered vaguely.  
“Clearly you’re interested in men.” Thomas stated with no venom in his voice. He was simply stating a fact and it sounded like he was trying to answer some great riddle.  
“Hmm” Marco answered still a little tense.  
“No judgement here man relax. Or you know not man” He teased before taking on a serious persona again. “Any man in particular?” He asked with one eyebrow raised as if he already knew the answer.  
Marco simply turned red and struck further in on herself.  
“You weren’t as stealthy or sly as you think you were Bodt. Lucky thing Jean is as dense as a block of ice”  
Marco whipped round so fast she could have sworn she could have given herself whiplash. Then with no retort she simply sank back down into the couch. If she had been so obvious what’s the point even trying to fight Thomas on this one? Especially when he was right.  
“Maybe the universe just wanted to make things easier for you. Like a second chance. Just make sure when you see him again you don’t get hurt and he likes you for you okay?” Thomas added with a smile and Marco felt herself smile back. She had friends from uni but it felt like a piece of home to be united with someone who had gone through the same hardships as her that no outsider to the Titans could understand.  
“Thanks Thomas. I appreciate that.”  
There was a comfortable moment of silence before Marco piped up again.  
“So how about you? You’ve been trying to meet someone or were you roped in too? No offence of course”  
Thomas gave a small, sad smile.  
“There is someone but I don’t think they’re interested. So I guess I felt trying to date couldn’t hurt and maybe I’d meet someone who I could fall for instead. On the way to the date I felt it was wrong for me to lead anyone on so this has turned out to be a happy ending. Perhaps even another sign from the universe.”  
Marco couldn’t help by chuckle lightly at Thomas’s similarity to Ted from How I Met Your Mother in his reliance on the universe.  
“Who knows” Marco smiled. “But I hope we both get what we want” She gently squeezed his hand before leaving with the promise of seeing everyone again soon.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean meets Thomas

Jean had in fact been born into the same universe as Marco. Given that his death was only two years after Marco’s there was a limited age gap between them. Like Marco his personality hadn’t changed much bar a tad more melancholy with the memory of the death of his best friend and the words unsaid looming over him. He grew up in Stohess and attended the university there to study Law before transferring to the Police academy in Trost. His heart had been heavy at the thought of joining the police without his best friend but he wanted to keep the shared dream alive. He had remembered everything throughout his life, and although he had friends and could be happy there was a constant sadness looming in the background. He had found a number of people from his past; Armin, Connie, Sasha, Eren, Mikasa, Levi, Petra and Oluo. Others, Annie, Reiner and Bertoldt, he had not wished to find, nor did he think they wished to be found. He had tried to find Marco relentlessly but even after many attempts in vein and with Connie gently telling him it would drive him crazy, Jean pursued. In all his filtered searches he couldn’t find the tall, freckled male Marco Bodt and thought he never would. That is, until he bumped into Thomas.   
The recently graduated police officers all had to attend a training day in which events, primarily kidnappings, would be re-enacted to test officer’s ability to think on their feet and handle tough situations. It brought over the numerous districts and stations together to work as a team and to help critique. Little did Thomas nor Jean know that they were working in different stations within the same city and so would be together for training.   
Sitting through the boring droning of their instructor Jean’s eyes wondered the hall and froze when they caught onto one Thomas Wagner sitting near the back. Finding people from his past had happened multiple times by this point but this gave him a new hope. Thomas would be closer to Marco in age and so there was a higher chance he would have seen him or at least have some information on him. The talk, which would already have felt long considering it was the concluding talk, droned on for even longer knowing that precious information could be close by and Jean fidgeted in his seat. The moment the talk finished he leapt out of his seat and pushed his way through to Thomas.   
“Thomas!”  
“Jean?! No way? Military Police wasn’t enough for you huh you cocky git” He exclaimed back with a laugh.   
“Actually” Jean looked slightly bashfully at the wall opposite avoiding all eye contact with Thomas “I joined the scouts”  
Thomas stared at him blankly clearly expecting some sort of explanation.   
“After Marco… I didn’t want his death to mean nothing” Jean finished a little embarrassed at having been so open and in ear shot of others.   
“Speaking of the past you’ll never guess who I met the other day” Thomas grinned with a knowing smile and Jean’s heart jumped up in his chest hoping against all hope he was going to say who he desperately wanted to see again.   
“Marco’s here!” Thomas concluded before Jean broke down and crushed Thomas in a tight hug, tears streaming down his face.   
“Will you take me to him? Please?” His eyes red and voice hoarse Jean gave away how broken he’d been without Marco and Thomas inwardly celebrated. Not for Jean’s pain but for the chance Marco had to get what he wanted.   
“Of course”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the chapters are gonna be shorter than others ( the next one is much longer!) 
> 
> Still working on the rest of the fic and hoping to get as much done as possible if there is enough interest :) Thank you to all of those who stop by to read !


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally reunited!

Marco had never been this stressed before. Not in her years of A-Level, her third year of university or even her first day of teaching. In comparison that was all small fry.   
Thomas had come by earlier to tell Marco about bumping into Jean and she broke down in relief. And then the panic set in. Sure Thomas had taken it well as had Mina, Franz and Hannah. As for Daz he seemed okay but Marco didn’t care about his opinion. But Jean was an unknown. He wanted to meet him and that was a good thing, I mean why wouldn’t he want to meet? But still after seeing how different Marco looked it might throw him off. What if Jean decided to date Marco only because she was easy to get to unlike Mikasa? Jean wasn’t like that, if anything he was too honest to lead someone on, but Marco was insecure. She paced round the living room of Thomas’ living room before Thomas took her shoulders to stop her.   
“Trust me he wants to see you again more than anything. You should have seen his reaction Marco. He broke down and if that doesn’t say something then I don’t know what does.”  
“He’s expecting a tall, freckled guy Thomas not this.” Marco sighed before gesturing to herself.   
“Looks aren’t everything, you of all people know that. If he likes you than more than a friend, he’ll like you for you not just your looks.”  
Marco couldn’t help but think of Jean’s first time talking to Mikasa and how it had all been based on looks and shook a little.   
“How about you go into the guest bedroom, sit on the floor by the bed on the side furthest from the door where Jean can’t see you when he walks in. I’ll get him to say his piece first and then go from there .I won’t tell him what is different just that you’re worried okay? Then you’ll know that everything he says is true before he sees what you look like.”  
Marco wasn’t sure how solid this plan was and had visions of Jean barging in to find her and freaking out. However it was better than nothing and she silently nodded her head.   
At that moment the doorbell went.   
“Oh god” Marco breathed before being swept into a fierce hug.   
“You’re gonna be okay - go to the spare room”   
Marco sighed again and nodded before walking to the spare room and shutting the door. Once she was safely inside Thomas let Jean in.   
“Hey Jean, long time no see” He joked and was even met with a small yet nervous smile.   
“Hey” Jean surveyed the apartment “Where’s Marco?”   
The worry in his voice was evident. What if Marco was too busy for him? What if he’s hurt? What if he’s spending time with a new girlfriend? His stomach churned at the thought of someone else and he cursed himself for not realising things sooner.   
Marco heard him from the other end of the door and tears started to fall. It had been forever since she’d heard his voice and it had been uncertain if she ever would again. The fact he was so worried gave her both a happy and melancholy ache in her chest. He obviously cared but how much?   
“Don’t worry Marco’s here” Thomas smiled before gently continuing “Marco’s in the spare room but there’s something you should know.”  
Jean tensed up with horrific thoughts running through his head. Was Marco badly injured in this life? Had he forgotten Jean? Was this the moment Thomas mentioned his significant other?   
“Marco is fundamentally the same. Still the optimistic, passionate and kind individual we know and love”   
You have no idea thought Jean but continued to listen.   
“But Marco is different physically and it might take some time getting used to it but just please be open and understanding.”   
Jean internally started to panic a little. How physically different are we talking? Chubby? No freckles? Shorter? Taller? Looks completely different? Either way Jean didn’t care. He simply nodded and was ushered towards the spare room which looked suspiciously empty and Jean’s heart thundered with fear until he saw what looked like the top of a hooded head poking up from the other side of the bed. Thomas placed his hand on Jean’s shoulder  
“I’ll leave you two alone now”  
Thomas gently shut the door and silently prayed to himself things would work out.   
Jean was overwhelmed already. Not even having seen him but simply knowing he was in the same room as Marco again was enough to make him choke up. He didn’t know what was different but he was going to work past Marco’s insecurity to make him see it didn’t matter.   
“Marco” He managed to choke out and Marco started to silently cry again.   
“ I’ve been trying so hard to find you” Marco’s eyes snapped open and her heart thudded joyfully as her insecurity started to melt, even if it was the tiniest bit.  
“I don’t know what it is that you’re self-conscious about. Thomas didn’t tell me but I want to say straight off the bat I don’t care what it is it doesn’t change anything”   
Marco was flooded simultaneously with relief and dread. Jean would still be friends with her –good but perhaps that would be it and she’d have to sit back and watch him get married and have kids with someone else which made her heart clench and her stomach sour.   
“I was such an idiot in training” Jean said with a bitter laugh. “I made loads of mistakes, I fought with Jaeger too much , I had an ego the side of a titan’s head but by far the worst thing I did was chase after the wrong person.”  
Marco’s breath stopped for a second. Jean didn’t like Mikasa anymore?  
“I hated how long it took me to realise Marco. I hated what it took me to realise. When you … when..” Jean cut himself off to stop a sob and it broke Marco’s heart.   
“I didn’t know what to do without you and I couldn’t have cared less about Mikasa romantically anymore. Sure she’s pretty but she never understood me and we were both too cynical. I remember how I felt when I thought she was dead and it was nothing to the torment I felt when you died. “  
Marco started to get her hopes up before trying and failing to train herself not to in the fear of getting crushed.   
“ I’m sorry I wasn’t there Marco. I should have been and we should have joined the MPs together. For the record you would have hated it. The corruption there is terrible. At least from what I saw from a distance”   
Now that got Marco’s attention. What did he mean from ‘what I saw’? He would have been there he would have known everything.   
“ I didn’t join the Military Police Marco. I couldn’t. I didn’t want you to die for nothing” Jean managed through gritted teeth. “ I joined the Scouting Legion with the others”   
At that moment Marco covered her mouth and pushed back a cry of horror. The idea of Jean putting himself at risk like that based on her memory flooded her eyes with tears but also strengthened her feelings towards him for being so brave.   
“Marco if I could go back and change all the times I chased after Mikasa to chase after you instead I would. I would be honest with myself and you and I would have told you how I felt every day and never have taken you for granted. I’m so sorry that I did. I don’t want to make things awkward between us, especially since I’ve only just found you but I need you to know that I love you and not being able to tell you that has been killing me. I’ve never missed anyone so much in my life or regretted not acting on things more- it’s been like a constant hole in my life. I don’t care if you look physically different in the slightest it’s your personality more than anything that I love. But I would never want you to feel pressured into being with me to not upset me so if you don’t feel the same way I understand but please try and find it in yourself to still be friends with me at least.”   
Jean got this all out in one breath and visibly shook by the end of it trying to hold back both tears and fear. Marco had a smile that could practically have split her face plastered all over it which quickly evaporated. Sure Jean had said he didn’t mind if Marco was physically different but he didn’t know how. What if getting over Mikasa had made Jean realise he was gay? But she had to tell him the truth.   
“This is so unfair” Marco stated sadly.  
Jean’s heart sank. He was going to get rejected. He wouldn’t regret confessing for a single second but that didn’t stop his heart from breaking.   
“I wanted nothing more than for you to love me back in training and for nothing more than to look like Mikasa and now I do you may not love me.” Marco managed to choke out.   
Jean blinked in confusion. Elated at the fact that his feelings were indeed requited but confused by the rest.   
“ I don’t understand”   
Marco slowly stood up and turned so that Jean could see her. She thought she was probably a mess mascara running down her face and red rimmed eyes but when she met Jean’s amber eyes they too were red rimmed and he looked wrecked.   
“ I understand if you want to take it back. I don’t know your sexuality anymore I guess and I don’t want things to be awkward so even if you know that I still love you I – “  
Marco was cut off by probably the tightest hug she had ever received following by the realising of a pent up sob.   
“You idiot”   
Marco frowned a little and sniffled.   
“Huh?”  
“I told you I didn’t care. I don’t care. You’re still you and you’re just as beautiful now as you were then. And bisexuality is a thing dork.”   
Marco finally let go and broke down hugging him with everything she had, tears streaming down her faced following by totally misplaced laughter that Jean joined in on.   
Both pulled back to look at each other properly again for the first time in a lifetime. Jean traced his hands over her cheeks and wiped away the tear tracks before leaning in for the kiss that he had wanted with all of his being for years. It was sweet and gentle with both of them wanting to be connected with each other for as long as possible.   
Jean pulled back and placed a short and sweet kiss on Marco’s lips which made her smile.   
“ I love you Marco”  
“Love you too dork”   
Jean smiled and kissed her again. It had been a long road but they were finally where they were meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter haha But finally a couple ( Yaaay) :)


	5. Chapter 5

“Foods you love and hate”  
Marco smiled as they sat facing each other toe to toe on Marcos’ couch. Not having wanted to leave each other once they had been reunited and it being a Friday night with no work in the morning they had decided to wander back to Marcos to stay the night. Even having known everything about each other in their past lives upon arriving back at the flat Jean had insisted he wanted to know everything there was to know about Marco and her new life even in the smallest detail. Marco loved it.   
“Love sushi, gherkins, salmon, avocado, Chinese food in general, Italian food, brownies… pretty much anything but radishes, anchovies and spicy foods. I’m practically a garbage disposal” She grinned. “And you?”   
Jean smiled back. “I’m not too fussy. Love omelettes, pasta, and any type of meat but can’t stand cod or crab.”   
“Favourite video game?” Marco asked.   
“Bioshock Infinite you?”  
“ Last of us. … erm favourite tv show as a kid?”  
“Fairy Odd Parents”  
“pfftttt”   
“Marco Bodt was that a laugh a heard?” Jean mocked offense.  
“DINKLEBURG” Marco yelled before she launched into Jean’s arms laughing and as much as he pretended to pout grumpily Jean laughed softly back.   
“You sounded like a teacher by the way, maybe you should consider it” Marco ended with a wink that set Jean’s cheeks aflame.   
It seemed really silly and insignificant to any outsider but being with someone means you want to know everything even the small stuff, especially when they had so many years to catch up on. They had already covered their jobs with Jean starting his police career at the closest station to Marco about 90 minutes away and Marco teaching history to mixed classes in ranging ages from 11 to 18. Jean loved how passionate she was about the subject and her obvious care for the wellbeing of her students. Books lined all of the rooms in her apartments with small trinkets and antiques nested around them. It was classy and sophisticated without being pretentious and despite its small size it oozed with character and everything Marco.   
They spoke briefly about the past, reminiscing about stories and events only the two of them knew about away from the group, but tried not to delve into it too much to avoid painful memories but talked softly about funny stories amongst the chaos during training. The time the boy’s dorm had started a rowdy pillow fight before Shadis had marched in, the potato incident with Sasha, the time that Marco had had a nightmare and after Jean had checked to make sure no one was looking came into Marco’s bed and cuddled him till he fell asleep. Jean seemed to blush a tomato red when retelling that one.   
It had only been a few hours since meeting again but there was a question that both Marco was simultaneously desperate to ask but not wanting to know the answer to. She ended up biting the bullet. She wanted to know and she needed to know sooner rather than later.   
“How did you die?”   
Jean went quiet and pale for a moment before blinking and regaining composure. He’d lived with the memory his whole life but this was the first time someone had asked him outright.   
“Bertholdt. He was the colossal titan.”  
Marco’s eyebrows raised in utter shock. She had known the trio had the ability to transform but the relevation that a fellow comrade had caused such misery was like a punch in the face.   
“I can’t believe it. I mean I knew he was a titan shifter with the other two but that’s insane.”  
Jean’s head snapped up. “You knew? How long for?”   
“About two minutes before I died.” Marco sighed trying not to think too much about it. “Continue” she pressed on.   
“We were chasing after him on a rooftop and he transformed and killed me. He actually killed me the same way you were killed just the other side.” Jean finished with a sad smile. He wasn’t going to tell Marco that he had died in a frenzy started by Bertholdt’s taunting over Marco’s death because he knew she would instantly take the blame and feel guilty.   
Next thing Jean knew a pair of arms were wrapped around his neck in a crushing hug.   
“Can we not talk about death anymore please?” Marco’s muffled voice came from Jean’s shoulder.  
“Of course” Jean replied as he thread his fingers through Marco’s hair. “The others want to see you again. I texted Armin who told everyone else.”   
Marco smiled then froze ever so slightly but Jean picked up on it quickly.   
“What’s wrong?”  
“It’s just,” Marco paused “What if they get freaked out by…?” She gestured vaguely to herself but it was clear what she meant.   
Jean hugged her tighter. “They won’t and if anyone says anything I’ll punch them so hard in the gut they won’t be able to walk properly for weeks.”  
Marco’s insecurity melted as she revelled in the stubborn and protective character that belonged to one Jean Kirschtein. She wanted her friends from her past life to accept her but in all honesty if she only had Jean that was enough.   
Both of them staying up for hours talking about anything and everything until words ran out. Even then it was a comfortable silence as they basked in each other and what seemed to be the unbelievable fact that they were once again re-united. Eventually Marco felt her eyes become heavy as she drifted off to sleep, vaguely aware that she was being lifted off the couch bridal style and into her bedroom. Jean kissed her lightly on the forehead before gently placing an arm across her, nuzzling softly into her neck before kissing it and telling her the three words she loved to hear most.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco's up in the early hours of the morning as the effects of remembering her past life take hold. Jean's there to comfort her.

Marco sat in front of the full length mirror in her room and stroked her hair idly. She’d been staring at herself for hours like she was in a trance as the past few days caught up to her. The night she’d remembered after she had left Thomas’ flat she broke down entirely. She locked herself in her room and cried till there were no more tears left as she screamed and clawed at her hair as horrific visions of blood, death and titans filled her sight. Her gender hadn’t bothered her at that point. She was just grateful to be living. But now that a few days had passed from her revelation she began to feel off. When she looked in the mirror she started to see the former male she had been and found herself confused. She didn’t dislike being a women and her personality was the same as it had been but she almost felt like a different person. Bringing her hand up as if to cut her hair into a pixie cut she could almost see her old self. She didn’t doubt Jean loved her. But Jean had firstly loved the male version of her- would he ever wake up and be sad that he couldn’t look at what she had once been? She trusted him to be honest but the whole experience crammed into a couple of days had been crashing down on her and keeping her up in the early hours. She turned towards the clock which read 4 am and internally groaned. She had school in the morning and would be shattered since she’d have to leave home at 7:30. She then turned to look at Jean sleeping, a sight she’d often stolen back in the barracks during training only to find amber eyes met hers questioningly.   
“Marco?” Jean sleepily mumbled “Why are you up? Couldn’t sleep?” His last question was laced with sympathy. He’d been told about the first night Marco remembered and hated he wasn’t there to comfort her.   
“Something like that” Marco replied softly looking back at her twin in the mirror. The freckles which dotted her cheeks were the same, her face slightly slimmer, her button nose the same and she even had a fringe similar to that which she had in training with a parting down the middle.   
Jean crawled out of bed a bit sluggishly, sat behind her and placed his arms around her waist following her gaze.   
“You can tell me anything you know that right?”  
“Yeah I know”. She really did know, but that didn’t make it easy.   
“Admiring yourself at 4 am? I thought I was meant to be the vein one” Jean tried to joke lightly earning a little chuckle from Marco. “I’m glad I woke up so I could admire you too” Jean added softly and kissed her cheek.   
At that Marco felt her lip tremble and willed herself not to cry as she turned and nuzzled into his neck. She knew Jean was honest, he wouldn’t be with her if he didn’t want to be. But she felt so confused, almost as if she was outside herself, only a half of a person she was meant to be.   
“Gender change starting to feel weird?” Jean asked delicately.   
‘Must be a mind-reader’ Marco thought as she nodded slightly. Jean pulled away so that he could cup her face in his hands and gently wipe away tear tracks.   
“I’m sorry I don’t mean to be so weak” Marco mumbled, slightly embarrassed.   
“I remember a certain someone telling me that I was a good leader because I know what it is to be weak. Being scared out of your mind and how that makes you sympathetic and alert. Ring any bells?”  
Marco blinked. Yes she did remember. Her heart had been pounding at the time out of fear of the unknown in the fight against the titans but for other reasons too. She had wanted to add so much more to that speech. Tell him how much he was worth, why he was a valuable person and why she loved him. Marco nodded.   
“What we went through was some messed up shit Marco. No one is expecting you to remember and walk back into this life without emotional scars or moments when you feel weak. I know I’m gonna have my moments. I can’t say I know how you’re feeling because it’s a different situation for you but I can say with certainty that I would do anything to make you happy and safe. I’m not going anywhere.” He gently eskimo kissed her and pulled away to gage her reaction. She gave him a watery smile and it was clear she was feeling a lot better. She would have days were she felt weird or confused but with Jean by her side now she felt like she could do anything. She lept in for a hug and let him stroke her hair.   
“Wanna go back to sleep?”   
Marco glanced at the clock. 4:30am   
“Urgh I have to get up in two hours” She moaned as she collapsed back onto his shoulder.   
“Come on then, bed time-we can cuddle” Jean grinned at her  
“Jean Kirstein asking for cuddles. I must still be sleeping” Marco joked as she crawled back into bed before receiving a playful punch on the arm. They then fell back asleep into each other’s arms.   
***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Marco glared at her alarm clock as it shrieked from the bedside table and groaned before rolling back over onto Jean. Jean blinked blearily and sat up on his elbows to look down at her.  
“Honey you need to get up”   
Marco glared back as Jean chuckled.   
“It’s so much harder to leave the bed now you’re here” Marco mumbled into Jeans side as she snuggled him close.   
Jeans' heart skipped a beat and he was about to ask if they wanted to take a shower first before remembering what had happened in the early hours and feeling it was best for her to take steps in her own time. He wasn’t with her for just physical attraction and would never want to put her out of her comfort zone. He gently grabbed her shoulders and tugged her up.   
“Come on up you get. I’ll make pancakes whilst you shower” Jean said as he kissed her cheek. He pulled back and laughed as her eyes seemed to almost close again. He then pulled her into a standing position and waddled her towards the bathroom before giving her a light kiss and shutting the door.   
He heard the water running and knew Marco was finally awake enough to at least carry out basic functions as he worked on the pancake mix. He couldn’t help but smile as he pictured having a stupidly domestic life with Marco. It wasn’t the first time he’d thought about it even before their reunion. He’d often day dreamed, especially before he went to sleep only to wake up and find tear stains on his pillow. He grinned when he realised he wouldn’t have to do that anymore. His grin faltered a little recounting the early morning and he vowed to himself to do everything in his power to make Marco happy and confident within herself.   
Marco emerged fully dressed with makeup on just as he was placing the pancakes on plates and kissed Jean on the mouth passionately. Jean almost dropped the plates and muffled surprise against her lips.   
“You’re the best” Marco stated as she squeezed Jean perhaps a little too tightly. Jean didn’t mind in the slightest.   
“You took the words right out of my mouth”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a while! My apologies for being so slow with this fic! I've come up with a plan and possibly a slightly darker plot line ( dw I live for happy JeanMarco endings!) which I'm hoping to work on as much as I can. I'm in my final year of uni and the pressure has really upped but fingers crossed I can find some time- thank you so much to anyone reading :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco finally reunites with the group

The school week had flown by in the blink of an eye. Jean had stayed around Marco’s apartment every day, neither of them wanting him to leave. It was clear that it had become considerably harder for Marco to get up in the mornings and Jean had to work harder to get her up properly and get himself out of the iron grip she had on him. He made sure to promise that on the weekend that could laze in and cuddle all she wanted.   
It was now Friday night and Marco walked into the apartment knowing Jean wouldn’t be home from his shift yet. He’d only been with her for the week but the apartment felt empty without him. Taking the opportunity to get out of work clothes and into something cosier she put on some sweats and a baggy jumper with a mug of tea in hand and a book she’d been dying to read for weeks. After a couple hours of reading the latch on the door went and Marco looked up excitedly. Jean walked through the door looking pretty knackered but happy to be home. Marco grinned but before she could great him he cut her off.  
“You look adorable” Jean strode over the couch and lent down to kiss her and give her a big hug.   
“How was your day gorgeous?” Marco asked as Jean cuddled up next to her and she gave him a kiss on the top of his head.   
“Urgh so tedious. I love my job I really do but it shows some of the worst sides of people. A lot of the people I was dealing with today were kids and it just sucks that they’re messing up so young.”  
Marco looked worriedly at him and took both of his hands in hers.  
“Well then they’re lucky that they have you. I’m sure you’re an excellent cop who teaches them where they’re going wrong and where they can turn to.”  
Jean gave a small smile. “I try.”   
At that point Jean’s ringtone went off and checking the caller ID he gave Marco an apologetic smile. Marco just beamed back.   
Jean answered and Marco tried to figure out who it was. The voice on the other end of the phone sounded very familiar……..  
“tonight?” Marco jumped slightly, being brought back from her thoughts when Jean looked at her expectedly.   
“I’m sorry what?” Jean chuckled a little  
“Eren I’ll call you back and let you know okay?”   
Marco then realised why the voice had sounded so familiar. Suddenly dread took over. Eren wanted to meet tonight. But Eren wouldn’t be meeting who he thought he’d be meeting.   
“ Marco, Eren and the others wanna go to the pub tonight- you feeling up to it?”   
Marco paled slightly and bit her lip.   
“Worried huh?”  
Marco nodded slightly.   
“Marco these people are your family. They love you unconditionally. I completely understand why you’re nervous but they have been so excited to see you again. It doesn’t matter than you look different, you’re still you.” Jean placed his fingers under marcos chin and made her look at him.   
She breathed in deep and nodded. She wanted to see them again. She was terrified but knowing she would have to come out at some point she decided to take the plunge.   
“I’m gonna go change”   
Jean grinned and tackled her into another hug. “I’m so proud of you”   
Marco hugged back before going to her wardrobe as Jean texted Eren they would be on the way shortly. Looking through her wardrobe Marco decided on skinny jeans and a blue jumper dotted with white birds. Not overly feminine and really cosy. Marco had a thing for jumpers. Walking back to the living room she grabbed Jeans hand and they headed out the door.   
When Jean and Marco arrived outside Jean got a text saying everyone was inside and waiting. Marco braced herself and with a final reassuring kiss they went into the pub together. From the outside it was beautiful ivy covering at least half of it and a warm glow was inviting from the winter cold.   
“Horseface!!” A boisterous and tipsy Eren Jeager hollered as they walked in, almost falling off his chair. If Marco wasn’t so nervous she probably would have giggled. But as soon as he saw them he frowned and Marco felt her stomach sink.   
“Where’s Marco?” Eren asked in an almost angry tone, dipped in suspicion. The whole table turned around at that point and Marco started to feel sick. This was it. The moment she had been dreading. Jean tightened his grip on her hand in reassurance. Marco steadily raised her hand.   
“That would be me” Marco answered shakily adding a very nervous chuckle on the end.   
Eren’s eyes darkened and turned towards Jean. Marco felt like she was going to throw up, the tension was killing her and her brain acted out every awful possible outcome that could happen.   
“My bad.” Eren drawled almost unkindly. He wasn’t being cruel but was immensely pissed at Jean for leading him into thinking they’d found Marco Bodt. The man Jean was supposedly head over heels for but instead had brought a women whose name happened to be Marco. At least this is what Eren believed to be the case. “My apologises for sounding brash but Jean had us thinking we would be seeing an old friend tonight.” He finished with a glare aimed at Jean.   
Marco felt her throat burn but she refused to cry. She’d done that enough in the past few days but before she could explain or defend herself Jean beat her to it.   
“It is Marco Bodt” He practically spat, seething with anger that Eren wouldn’t believe his feelings for Marco were genuine. “. I swear to God if any of you make a mean comment or say anything out of line about the gender change that she couldn’t control you will wish you never came here.”   
Eren practically reclined in his chair out of shock as all the sets of eyes at the table moved back to Marco, who stood there bashfully before bringing her free hand up to the back of her neck. Seeing his Eren’s heart gave a tug of guilt and relief. Marco’s nervous habit back in training when he was embarrassed or self-conscious had always been placing his hand on his neck.   
Just when the silence was almost becoming too much to bare Sasha stood up. Marco locked eyes with her and practically begged her silently to give her a chance as she walked around the table and stood in front of her. Marco’s breathing slowed but her heart rate sped up again at Sasha bombarded her with a tight hug. After a solid minute Sasha let go.   
“It’s so good to see you again cinnamon roll” she added a wink and Marco felt like she could jump for joy at at least one of her friends staying by her side.   
“You said it babe!” Connie yelled from the table before marching towards Marco and ruffling her hair.   
Okay. Two friends. Marco told herself. This really isn’t going as awfully as expected. Then it seemed like everyone, bar Eren, was on her at once. Hugging, kissing cheeks, ruffling hair and she felt overwhelmed with how much she loved her friends.   
Eren appeared a little shell shocked still and hadn’t moved from his chair causing Marco to feel anxiousness boil in her gut.   
“Marco I’m so sorry” He finally pushed out. ,“I didn’t mean to come across as cold. If anything I was more pissed at Jean.”  
Marco nodded a little , still a tad dumbfounded. Eren rose from his seat and stood in front of her as everyone else, bar Jean who was still holding her hand despite the commotion, shuffled back to give them space.   
“I was angry at him because he’d told me one of my best friends, whom he claimed he was madly in love with, was back and before I knew the change I assumed he’d lied and gone off with a random girl. I was pissed because I felt like I’d been led on and even more pissed because that’s not like Jean at all. Then the fact that I thought he’d given up on you despite his determination before. And then there’s also the fact I am also actually a little pissed…literally”   
Marco laughed at that and let go of Jean’s hand to hug Eren tightly.   
Jean relaxed and stopped glaring at Eren glad the whole mess was sorted. The two let go of each other and Eren spoke again.   
“Well I’m glad to see that contrary to my original thoughts Kirstein hasn’t cocked up majorly yet”   
Jean mock glared at him “What the hell do you mean yet?”  
The group laughed at their antics.   
“Don’t worry baby you’d have to do something pretty spectacular to lose me. Like cheat or make me drink earl grey tea” She added with a wink to lighten the mood. “I’m not letting you go anywhere” She murmured as she turned to his cheek to give him a peck on the cheek.   
“AWWWWWWWWW…. Get some Kirstein” Connie belted before dissolving into hysterics with Sasha.   
“Shut up idiots” Jean hissed but as Marco took his hand and squeezed he found himself muttering shyly and looking away. Marco found it adorable.   
The rest of the group offered their congratulations and Marco caught up with all of their news. Sasha and Connie were dating- Sasha working as a chef and Connie as a radio host, Mikasa was working as a martial arts instructor, Armin a university lecturer specialising in Politics and History, Krista as a primary school teacher, Ymir as body guard for the local club and Eren working for the police with Jean . Eren and Armin were also engaged. Marco marvelled at Armin’s engagement ring as the two boys looked at each other and blushed before getting sucked into a double hug by Marco. She loved hugs. All of them were happy with their lives and Marco couldn’t feel more relieved.   
Snuggling into Jean next to her she beamed at her group of friends and savoured a world devoid of titans and the prospects of things yet to come.


End file.
